Just a few days ago while walking back from tobogganing, I noticed a small snowman in the middle of nowhere, which reminded me of this story.

Years ago, I worked on contract for a company where I met a special person. She retired within the year I met her and I will always remember this story she shared with the team.

One day, she and her husband went out for a hike by the water. During their hike, her husband noticed some peculiar objects on the ground and he asked her to walk back to the car, while he explored a little longer. After about 30 minutes, he had discovered the body of a Durham teacher that had been reported missing a few weeks before. She told us that her husband was a retired police investigator with a gift of noticing things and her message in her story for us was ‘to notice’.

This year, I’ve noticed:

xenophobia towards the Chinese/Asian race including my family;
inequity and inequality of our system towards seniors and the underprivileged;
ignorance and injustices towards Black and Indigenous people;
division of world powers, the rising of China and falling of the DSA (Divided States of America);
essential workers put their lives on the line to keep the privileged safe;
torn homes and families due to the loss of a business, job, loved one;
dependence on online apps for education, entertainment, work and buying;
desperation of trying to keep activities and relationships alive despite pubic health guidelines;
increased mental health in trying to cope with this change

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
Martin Luther King Jr. – Fearless Soul

But this year, I’ve also noticed:

individual white, puffy clouds floating in the sky (like in this picture) after the first lock down;
the power of pedestrian journalism and social media’s influence on people’s choices and behaviors;
messages of injustice and inaction be heard and increased acceptance than I can remember before;
resilience of Educators, parents and children adapting to new teaching and learning;
the desire to keep our local small businesses alive;
a white Christmas which has been missed for years;
I am privileged among many managing in this difficult time and for that I am grateful.

This unwanted pandemic has truly exposed the good, the bad and the ugly of mankind. It has impacted each of us all in our own unique ways. I hope this message ‘to notice’ finds you…that you will notice the people right in front of you and all around you, and do the good.

So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring
(The Lord of the Rings, #1)

About Us

Earlier this year, outside of the everyday rush of life, Paul and I tried High Tea, did a staycation downtown, Toronto with the kids and used up our WestJet credit to Miami, Florida before it expired in June. We also enjoyed the warm salt water pool and magic show at Casino Rama, thanks to our good friend.

Since the pandemic, Paul and I have been working from home. It was difficult at first with everyone being at home, testing our patience and relationships and being paranoid during quarantine after our trip, about any of us having Covid19 which thankfully was not the case.

I began cooking more meals but discovered Instacart and Goodfood which has been a game-changer in balancing work and home life. I do miss eating in a restaurant but cherish our family dinners together now that Jaclyn does not have dance.

Feeling cooped up at times, we’ve tried to keep things laid back with hiking, some biking, walks at conservation parks, brief gatherings with our inner circle whenever it was safe. We were also able to do the Hornblower Niagara Cruise for the first time.

Paul and I also learned how to manage investments effectively, thanks dad.

Paul rediscovered his love for golf again and bought a driving mat for the basement. Between his long hours of work (still in IT Risk), we can hear him drive foam balls into the basement wall. He played tennis and golf, each once and lost the souls of his shoes both times! He needs to invest in new shoes but gave us a good laugh.

Paul putting on the green
Hole 6 – Paul lost his souls
Sheila’s outdoor wood project
Sheila’s storage solution
Richmond & Spadina Ave., Toronto

Sheila discovered she doesn’t love conducting virtual panel interviews as part of work due to Zoom fatigue but loves wearing sweatpants every day and not having to rush or drive into work. Jaclyn helped her organize the garage to create a space for DIY projects and a safe outdoor gathering space. Sheila enjoyed picking up curbside finds to build simple DIY projects and refinish furniture. She failed at baking bread so she continues to bake and eat cakes and cookies.

Jaclyn turned 16yrs old the day the pandemic was announced. Her sweet 16 celebrations continue to be on hold. Dance competitions were cancelled in the Spring and virtual or in studio small classes have resumed, following public health protocols. She returned to in-person school (quadmester format) but glad she has been able to see AT LEAST one friend during the week outdoors. Other than sleeping in until the mid afternoon from watching Netflix, Disney+, Tiktoks, art projects or painting her nails; she managed to organize her bedroom, bullet journal, colour half her hair blue, and help the family with home work. She finally got her braces off this year and has taken a liking to playing mahjong like her po po.

Battle Cats 2D creation
Getting soaked on Hornblower Cruise
First day of grade 4
Milne Dam Conservation Park
My size 4 hand me down PJs
Morningside Park
Jaclyn’s bedroom door art project

Aaron was fortunate to have celebrated his 9th birthday before the pandemic and began grade 4 with our favorite teacher. The pandemic has been good to him as he no longer has swimming classes or Chinese School. He enjoys the virtual life with extended time playing The Battle Cats and Mindcraft on his iPad and talking to his friends on Messenger Kids. He continues piano lessons online and draws A LOT of things he likes. He is still fond of his pillows and too small pajamas.

May you and your family be at, peace, filled with hope, love and kindness. Happy 2021 ~ Sheila

Annual newsletter, Family, Life lessons

“I Know What You Mean”

Image | Posted on December 31, 2019 by mindofchai

My son loves when I read to him before bedtime. He especially likes Shel Silverstein books of poetry. Recently in his book ‘A Light in the Attic’, I read a poem that was enlightening for both of us.

2019 has been a blur. It has been a year of BIG celebrations. Not only was it the year of the pig (i.e. my year); we celebrated my dad’s 80th birthday, 20yrs of marriage and my hubby joining the 50’s club.

When hubby recently turned 50yrs, my dad said to us “the best is yet to come“. It has been somewhat difficult to embrace these words as we learn to live with changing eye sight, extra lbs from hormonal and metabolism changes, tiredness, looser skin, feet calluses and dominating white hair, etc.;

ᎯᏩİƝᏩ ᏩɌᎯᏣᏋƑմᏝᏝƳ, ᏇİƬӇ ᎦƬƳᏝᏋ, ᎯƝƊ Ӈմ♏ᎧɌ ~ How aging affects belt height. Senior Humor, Birthday Wishes For Men, Funny Happy Birthday Wishes, Funny Birthday, Happy Wishes, Funny Cartoons, Funny Jokes, Hilarious Pictures, Fun Funny

and although in pictures my face seems younger than my age, my hands tell the true signs of aging.

Aging is not something we all want to accept, especially when we hear of news that another family, friend or neighbor’s parents are experiencing ailing health issues leading to difficult and emotional life choices and change.

As I reflect on this past year, I am learning to accept the good and the bad of aging. We gain more wisdom through our experiences as we turn another year older that can be shared with others. I am learning to accept and cope with physical changes and abilities and am also reminded to not forget about the young and the old no matter how busy our lives can get.

Enjoy the journey. The BEST is yet to come!

2 Corinthians 4:16 – So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

Job 12:12 -Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.

Titus 2:3 – Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good…

About Us

Jaclyn (15yrs) – Besides binge watching 3 seasons of Friends and How I Met Your Mother and sleeping in, Jaclyn finds time outside her busy schedule of dance and homework to do nails and visual arts. She has also become a Marvel, Star Wars and Disney (no links needed here) fan like her parents and is tick tocking her way into the new year. She loves sleepovers and independence and can sometimes make a good bro-sitter once in awhile. We still have high hopes for this one!

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Aaron (8yrs) – The day has finally come that Disney Cars does not dominate this little guy’s world. He still enjoys Disney cars but Minecraft has now become his obsession. He’s a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to art and protective of his time. His sense of humor is starting to come out, unfortunately from watching Sponge Bob Square Pants which admitting can make us laugh at times. His toddler pillow has deteriorated but has undergone a face lift, thanks to his grandma but he has now accepted the duplicates. He likes learning piano and softball and doesn’t seem to mind going to swimming lessons and Chinese school anymore. There are signs of him growing up just like his teeth coming in.

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Paul & Sheila – We took a few days out of our hectic schedules from work and family and traveled to Boston to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. It was really nice to be able to travel after 15+yrs, just the two of us and feel like a couple again (yes…we DID miss our kids). Loved Boston for it’s history, charm and clam chowder (they even have a place where everybody knows your name)!

Outside Cheers

Duck Boat Tour

Paul driving the Duck Boat

Near China Town

Quincy Market

Tatte Bakery

Outside Quincy Market

Lobster Roll

Cannoli

Fenway Park

During the Raptor’s exciting play-offs, Sheila experienced fibroid complications leading to anemic episodes which unfortunately made us cancel our Barbados trip in early summer. Recovered now from UFE surgery, she is looking forward to more physical activity and a family sun-kissed vacation in 2020. Sheila continues to work at a college in HR, enjoys baking, eating fried chicken, Instagram, does her best to avoid crowds when possible and always values good honest conversations – Paul is very familiar with the many honest conversations 🙂

Paul joined the 50’s club recently and is still working at an Insurance company in IT Risk. Outside of his long work hours, he runs around supporting the family and is the ‘go to’ for grandpa for tech issues. He still enjoys his biryani and spicy foods but is cutting down on the hot stuff (may be a reason he’s also put on some extra lbs).

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As we all get a little older, no matter what age we are, may you embrace the next decade with positivity, energy and action. Nothing is impossible. Make time for those who matter and please do not forget the young and the old.

Happy 2020 from our family to you!

Annual newsletter, Family

Letting Go – a year in review 2018

Image | Posted on December 24, 2018 by mindofchai

Recently Toy Story 3 was on TV and I just happened to catch the scene when Andy goes off to college. Toy Story 3 – When Andy gives his toys away. He was finally ready to give up his childhood toys, including ‘Woody’ his favorite. But, before he drove off, he shared one last ‘make believe’ moment.

This scene triggered emotions of nostalgia and a little bit of sadness for me, as I can relate to Andy having to say good bye to some thing that was special and meaningful to him.

At the beginning of summer, we had received some concerning news that my mom was diagnosed with early stage lung cancer. This proactive diagnosis jump started my parents move from their townhouse of 50 yrs to join us in our newly renovated home. It was a stressful adjustment for all of us but we continue to learn each day how to make things work. We are so grateful that my mom’s surgery was successful and that she can continue to be the strong woman that she is.

In the Fall, hubby and I spent a few weekends at the townhouse cleaning and prepping it for sale. When I was there, I realized all the wear and tear of how much living we did there, growing up; it really brought back memories. Outside the complex and down the street, I remember skateboarding and seeing my first born walk to and from school. Across the street, I remember riding my bike with my brother on the concrete play ground of the Catholic school, while my sister played basketball with her friends. As I entered in the house, I recall the childhood birthday parties and Christmas’ celebrated with neighborhood kids and family that brought smiles…and how can I EVER forget the small powder room where the three of us siblings crammed into every morning to take first dibs at the sink and toilet before we all rushed off for school.

Upstairs, in the old bedroom that I shared, there were remnants of HUNDREDS of tack holes on the walls from teen beat centerfolds (see my favorite on the left), Duran Duran posters and countless cut outs of Vivian Chow that my brother, sister and I stared at, in our younger years. I remember my sister’s turn table between the two twin beds that I used to blast Strange Love – Depeche Mode or A Little Respect – Erasure and dance with myself.

This year, I had to let go of a few things that were special and meaningful to me – the town house that I grew up in and the first car that I was ever able to afford. Both brought me a lot of joy and good times. As I reflect back on this year, I realize that it’s not the ‘things’ in the past that matter but it’s the memories associated with those things that help shape who we are and who we become. Like Andy, Woody was very special to him as Woody had always been there for him growing up but Andy was ready to let go and move on to the next chapter in his life. And so too I.

“But one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12

About Us

From complaining about her homeroom middle school teacher to getting accepted to the Art school – Dance Major program she worked hard to get into, our 14 yr old is reaching for the stars. And just like that, she has found her love of doing nails, visual arts, binge watching ‘Friends’ and ‘How I met your mother’ on Netflix, to becoming a giving and loyal soul like her daddy and feisty attitude like her mommy. We have high hopes for this one!

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This 7 yr old’s life still revolves around Disney Cars to the point that he will not give away his moth eaten, 3 sizes too small pajamas! His art is becoming more detailed as he refines his dexterity with sharpies and paint brushes. He loves eating dessert especially ice cream IF only he would eat more and put on some lbs. He is a meticulous planner and organizes his time around piano, swimming, hip hop and soccer on his own so he can squeeze in precious play time with his Disney Cars. His adult teeth are creeping in and sadly the innocent years of milk teeth and dependence are soon on its’ way out. We are trying to cherish as much of these moments as we can.

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The highlight of this year was our trip to California, Los Angeles this past summer. It had been awhile since we left the city for more than a week. The trip allowed us to bond as a family and see Aaron’s eyes light up when we took him to Disneyland’s California Adventure where he experienced Cars Land for the first time. Jaclyn really wanted to hit downtown L.A. to hopefully get a glimpse of some YouTube stars like the Dolan Twins so we drove through heavy California traffic from Anaheim, where we enjoyed the slower pace of sun and sand, and Disneyland to experience the Hollywood glam and urine stained streets of Sunset Blvd. Unfortunately, our days weren’t enough to see and do everything we had wanted. We definitely will be back!

Besides just trying to survive each day with work and kids, Paul and I are coming up to our 20 yrs of marriage. I can’t believe it will be 20 yrs in the new year that we have lived our lives together. We are both settled in our roles as parents and employees – Paul assessing IT risk for an insurance company and I continue to work at a community college in HR, now as a permanent employee. It really has been a daily challenge to try and find the energy to give to ourselves, each other, and everyone else but we try to stay youthful and connected despite our aging bodies, so we can relate to our kids as we grow old together with them.

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Exercising self care has been a real challenge for me this year, so before I close my reflection, I’d like to share my self care tips when my capacity and time have hit its’ limits.

Self Care Tips (when limited capacity)

Walking after work to the parking lot, just breathing
Instagram – an outlet for sharing and staying connected
Sit in the parking lot in your car for 5-10 min and listen to comedy before you pick up your kid(s)
No diet – eat in moderation and drink a lot of tea
Sing or listen to music you like
Give – make someone’s day, at work or at play
Vent if you need to but stop when you notice it is becoming a habit
Take supplements to help get over a temporary imbalanced hump
Do at least one thing daily that YOU WANT to do before you go to bed
Cry if you have to, it’s OK

May you never forget where you came from, whether good or bad as every experience has shaped you. May you always have a healthy mind to stay positive and hopeful to be able to create memories that are yet to come. ~ mind of chai

Home

Posted on January 1, 2018 by mindofchai

2017 – our year in review

Last December, the kids were making a Christmas tree out of popsicle sticks and green tissue paper on the floor of my aunt’s house, as our Christmas tree was in storage along with the rest of our main floor. I can’t believe that our home overhaul is finally over. What started as a casual conversation with my mom in my car a few years back, about my parents moving in with us, is becoming a reality. Due to health issues that arose in the past with my parents, spurred on this initiative.

In Nov 2016, we took our basic necessities & moved into my aunt Grace’s home while on the same day, she was catching a flight down south to stay with my cousin for 5 mos. It was a huge blessing to have a place to live during our renovation but a huge responsibility to keep her place in the condition she left it while she was away especially with creative kids who can come up with some crazy ideas sometimes.

Daily Breakfast at aunt Grace’s

It was exciting at first to see the weekly progress during the winter months as the foundation crew moved quickly to get the concrete footings in place while the winter weather remained cooperative.

When framing was going up, we could see it all coming together…UNTIL we ran into our first delay with our exterior siding order which prevented us from insulating the walls. By the 5th month when we thought we were close to moving home, we ran into more delays with HVAC. Our contractor & us TOTALLY underestimated the scope & scale of the project. We did our best to keep calm & carry on, for our own sanity & especially for our 12 going on 13 year old, who’s patience & need for her own space was running thin. Our 6 year old on the other hand, had a blast.

My aunt came home April 2017 & there we were…living together for 3 months. Living with aunt Grace was refreshing; we were able to see how well she took care of herself & allowed us to live the way we were used to without imposing her ways on us. We ate fresh food from her garden & she showed me how to pick dandelion in the field for health benefits. During the last 2 months of our project, we had to move to my parent’s house as my cousin’s family came for a visit & needed to stay with their mom (aunt Grace). It was challenging having to move our things again & having the 4 of us share the one bedroom I grew up in, as well for my parents as they were also in the process of packing in preparation for their move.

We finally moved back to our unfinished home on Labor Day weekend right before the kids started school. Since then, we have been enjoying the new open space & sharing time on the main floor together.

In the past year, I have truly learned that home is truly where the heart is. Whether it was at my aunt Grace’s or at my parent’s, we were blessed to have love around us despite the changes & stressful living arrangements at times. This grade 4 student says it all of what we have learned in terms of the true meaning of home.

Top 10 things that would make you want to slit your wrists with a plastic knife

changing contractors at the last-minute
dealing with the city
managing a 13 year old’s hormonal meltdowns (hopefully the boy is better)
keeping the trades mindful of our neighbors
keeping my aunt’s home the way she left it
satisfying my parents wants & expectations
cutting our neighbor’s phone & cable line … AGAIN
another unexpected surprise with construction
another unexpected cost
realizing our debt also has a retirement factor of 90

About Us

: Archery lesson

At 13, Jaclyn is teaching me about parenting a teenager – how to be real, current & relevant. This has been one the toughest year for all of us as we adjust to her changing hormones & growing independence.

Thanks to her, I have honed my social media skills, especially Instagram stories which I enjoy & have been advised not to take selfies as it’s not cool to do so at my age (ha ha).

Jaclyn has grown to be a more caring big sister & is often the ‘go to’ soother for her brother when ‘pillow’ is not around or we can’t take his whining. She has been more helpful around the house when ‘asked’ (which needs more work this year).

She still continues to dance competitively & training on now on Pointe shoes; we can’t wait to see her dance in the Spring.

She is still the more expensive child in the family (i.e. braces, more phone data, after school food, etc.). We hope when she graduates from grade 8 this year, she will learn the meaning of hard work & making a living.

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At 6, Aaron finally discovered that the spoiler alerts on Cars 3 were true. Thanks to Cars 3, he is STILL heavily into Disney cars. He continues to love art – drawing, painting & creating new customs inspired by Disney cars.

He started swimming classes & he hates going but seems to still like hip hop classes; we think it’s more to hang out with his buddy after class than the actual dancing. We hope to expose him to some more hand/eye coordination activities this year.

Aaron has gotten used to Unique Chinese School & developing his mandarin & math skills. He is shy in sharing what he learns but his most recent report card tells us that he’s not doing too bad at all. Phew.

We thought we were done with ‘pillow’ (aka, his toddler security blanket) that is now molting but instead, Aaron has added A LOT of new stuffie friends for pillow on his bed.

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We didn’t have the opportunity to venture too far from the city the past year due to potential surprises with the renovation project but we did manage to squeeze some summer camping with good friends & outings together as a family.

Paul was busier the past year, taking home more work due to organizational changes within the IT Risk department at his company while I experienced being a witness at arbitration with the college. I am not looking forward to being cross-examined this month. We have been absent from attending church this past year due to mostly fatigue & hope to overflow our cups this coming year.

As we reflect on 2017, we are so thankful for the constant love & grace we have experienced during a very difficult year. To the kindness & love of my aunt Grace & my cousins, my parents, Arnold Chan for helping us jump start our renovation project, & the patience & support of our neighbors who made this project a whole lot more bearable, we want you to know we do not take your kindness & love for granted.

As we start the new year, may you all be resilient, always move forward, always seek to learn from your experiences, always recognize your blessings, always be kind to one another, & always, always know the true meaning of home.

Life lessons

Priority Me

Image | Posted on March 31, 2017 by mindofchai

Almost 8 years ago, I learned the hard way that I needed to make a significant change to my priorities. When I discovered I had thyroid cancer, I was in shock and never thought I would ever have the ‘C’ word.

For years, I didn’t feel well and didn’t know why. Tired, stiff, feeling numbness in joints, fatigue, and overall unwell…waking up every morning made me frustrated and anxious of not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. My Doctor at the time was of no help. She overbooked patients and “scheduled” patients like me would wait 3 hours to be seen. I witnessed the poor receptionist be yelled at every time I had to sit in the waiting room of patients who waited hours for their appointments. I finally had the epiphany to leave that unhealthy place. Priority #1 – Stress less: remove yourself from situations that make you feel worse or find a way to better cope.

It was 3 mos later that my new doctor found my 2cm calcified nodule and multiple nodules in my thyroid that required removal and radiation therapy. From there I was on a crash course to learning and fighting for my priorities.

During my journey to recovery, I had time and space to reflect on the lifestyle I had been living for many years. I used to entertain with my hubby and socialize weekly, hosting many meals at our home. We would rush to attend 2-3 committed gatherings every Saturday and helped anyone who asked. I remember on occasion back then that my mom and some good friends telling me that I was doing too much and to cut back on certain priorities but did I listen??? Nope.

I didn’t realize that the things that brought me joy eventually silently hurt me mentally, physically and spiritually. Being too involved, helping too much, focusing too much outwardly neglected inwardly.

Sometimes it takes a significant life event that forces you to prioritize things differently. Having had thyroid cancer woke me up.

“I am more aware of knowing what causes me undo stress and choosing what is important each minute of the day.” Learning to turn my focus inwards, listening to my body and then realizing my capacity to be able to share outwards has been a constant.

I have learned that priorities are time based choices that we make in life. Choices that we make affect ourselves and people around us now or in the future. Although it’s difficult to consciously remove all the pressures and stresses in life, I have used the following tips to help me manage so I can make better choices.

To help manage your priorities try these tips:

Think about what is urgent and important at the time
Ask yourself “can this wait or do I need to address the issue right now?”
Set expectations with yourself and others by communicating what can work for you. Most people are understanding and willing to accomodate if you share a reasonable explanation
Don’t overwhelm or rush yourself. Work at your pace and put extra time in if necessary
Ask for help or delegate wisely to people who can support you
Stay on top of your timelines and be realistic about how much time you need to complete the task. This will vary across each individual.
Negotiate a new timeline if need be

Tie your shoe

Posted on December 4, 2016 by mindofchai

My mom and I had just finished grocery shopping and was taking the escalator down to the underground parking when there seemed to be some commotion at the bottom of the escalator. My shopping cart was full and we were nearing the end of the escalator. I tried slowing the cart down by pulling back but I couldn’t as the cart had magnetic wheels so we could only move forward.

The couple ahead of us was able to move out of the way with the other two people in front of them. The couple turned to us and said “she got her shoe lace stuck in the escalator.” The little girl, who looked no more than 5yrs old had both her shoe laces untied and one of them got caught in the escalator. Fortunately, we were all able to get off the escalator without any harm.

This reminded me of a time in 2014 where a 47 year old women lost her life when her scarf, coat and hair got caught in an escalator at the metro in Montreal which strangled her to death. Her scarf was 157cm, she was 160cm tall according to news reports; unfortunately, there were no eye witnesses at the time to confirm fully what happened.

On the way to my car, I was thinking that this incident could have been worse and could have happened to anyone including myself. It made me think about loose and long pieces of clothing like laces, scarfs, pants, skirts, coat belts etc. that could pose a safety hazard while walking, driving or riding on an escalator. I also thought about my 5 year old boy who hasn’t yet learned to tie his shoelaces yet.

So today I was reminded to be aware of our untied shoe laces & wearable items that could pose a risk to our safety. Tragic accidents can be avoided if we are all just a little more aware.